The Aftermath
by KlausCarolineLover
Summary: Set after 7x12 season finale. From Deb's point of view. Some DexterxDeb, nonshippy. A little OOC because I toned down the swearing, but she does try to keep it clean for Harrison.


My phone had been a constant pain in the ass since I decided never to answer the damn thing when the name _Dexter _flashed across the screen, and right now it was busy vibrating in my pocket going unanswered as always. I even made a special ringer for my serial killer brother (these days it was hard to separate the two) so I wouldn't answer it by mistake and give in like I always did to him. The funny thing was at the moment he was calling, finding it hard to take my silence while I was finding it hard to keep it; I was standing in front of his door.

"Hey, Deb, Dexter isn't here at the moment. Just me and Harrison."

After these last few weeks I was starting to forget all those years of opening his door and finding solace in his arms, and always giving into him without a second thought. But ever since I took a life to save him everything has been going downhill, and those three little words had been replaced with ones filled to the top with hate. However, I was not about to let that keep me from being there for my nephew and maybe one day my crushing guilt would finally stop and I could be in the same room with daddy and son.

"That's kind of the point of this little drive by; I've been dying to see my little buddy."

Seeing that little smile of his always did the trick of making all of my horrible thoughts, sounds of gunshots as I took an innocent life, disappear as I pulled him into my arms. Every time I had looked at him in the past I had seen another version of Dexter, someone who would grow up to be a brilliant brother and father, but now that was the last person I wanted to compare this innocent soul to.

"We haven't seen you lately, Deb, are things okay between you and Dex?"

The lying had started to become so easy that it was starting to scare me, and I knew that soon the cracks in my smile would finally show and I would come crumbling down. The only one I didn't have to fake was when I was with Harrison; after all he was the only family I could stand to be around at the moment. And he needed someone there so he wouldn't grow up to be just like his homicidal father.

"Everything's fine, I've just been swamped at work and I really missed him."

So I look right at Jamie and lied through my teeth with my picture perfect 'I'm not fucked beyond belief' smile. Finally knowing what Dexter had been doing his whole damn life, even with me, and I never saw through his little act. When Jamie finally let me have some alone time with Harrison it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and I focused just on my favorite guy in the whole damn world. He was after all the only person I would keep my dirty mouth in check for, not wanting him growing up to be like his pathetic aunt who was so good at being a push over. Instead of getting some alone time with Harrison like I had hoped, Dexter had to come home early (something he never did when he busy slicing and dicing) and I was face to face with the last person I wanted to talk to.

"Deb, I-I didn't know you were coming over. I would have tried to make it home sooner."

I could barely look him at, every time I do I only saw a completely (evil) different person and that night where I destroyed myself for him, as I put Harrison resultantly into his open arms. I couldn't help but think what would become of my little buddy with Dexter as his father. He was the only reason I hadn't cut ties with Dexter entirely. However, as I think about my plans to never rush into his open arms ever again I highly doubted that I can keep this rebellion going much longer. When I finally look at him I can't help but see my brother standing before me but instead of unconditional love I'm feeling disgust about this life I'm been forced into. The only upside to this is that those wrong romantic feelings for him have been flushed out of my system for good, and now only the family kind of love keeps me from running.

"It's fine, I just came to see Harrison, but I have to get back to work. Big case."

It felt like my whole body was frozen, my tongue dying to scream or cry out do anything to show him what he's reduced me to, remembering when this was my safe place (when he was my _everything_). I finally looked right at him, wondering how deep down this little act of his goes, and if he ever felt a damn thing for me.

"Deb, wait-"

Before my own act could come crumbling down, playing the numb person instead of the one that is falling apart at the seams, I opened the door and dodged his attempt at keeping me here.

"See you at work, Dexter, bye buddy."

I tried to show my true feelings in that look goodbye, studying him with a cold hard expression (hoping he would remember the last words I said to him that meant a damn thing, _I hate you_) which slipped away as I said goodbye to the only family I could stand at the moment. I could finally breathe when I was driving away and I let those stinging tears free, which I had held on for dear life. Wondering if one day this horrible breath taking guilt would stop killing me and I if I ever would go running back into his open arms.


End file.
